why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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