We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize