This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
