Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
