If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize