So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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