"it" just moved
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
