My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
