my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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