If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
