just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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