whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
