it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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