The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
