Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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