In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
