hotel room ftw
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
