We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
