I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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