oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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