in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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