Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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