You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
