somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
there is glitter all over my balls
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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