you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
