What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
