I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
