I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
