when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
