i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
