dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
