This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
