I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
