so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize