she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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