I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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