i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
