You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
