I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
