Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
