All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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