She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
