By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
