Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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