Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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