barbara walters just said penis...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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