i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
