Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
