I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
