woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
