I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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