I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You took a bar mat shot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
