I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His hands were made for my vagina.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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