Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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