Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just had sex on a roof
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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