Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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