Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
