the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
