How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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