you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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