just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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