I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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