I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
