That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
