Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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