I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize