nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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