apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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