He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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