I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
